how old is too old to have 2nd child.

[Jenarry]

i'm the mum to a 5yr old son who I love dearly.
I'm also 40yrs old and feel the sound of the biological clock ringing in my ears. i would love to have a 2nd child .it's almost all i can think about at the moment. i feel it would make my life complete. life is quite stressful because my son has health issues but despite this a 2nd child would be a blessing. my partner is 39 and isn't keen on the idea of children[he has 2 boys from a v difficult previous relationship that unfortunately he doesn't see and a very physically demanding job) and so he has voiced opinions against the above like he has made the decision for both of us :o( and so i feel like i'm caught between my emotions and hard circumstances. i know this is something i need to work out personally but any words of advice would be greatly appreciated. ps my partner is not the father to my boy but he is so good to him and i know that if we had a baby he would be a great dad . this all makes me very sad because it all seems so hard.

[jenty]

no one can make that decison for you its something you have to talk over with your other half...i had a baby when i was 39 yrs old and loved every minute of it so did my husband....you need to look at reasons why you want a baby not look at the negatives...good luck on what ever you decide

[ummmm]

While you can still make babies you're not too old :-)

Sit down and have a serious discussion with your OH. Not being keen means he might be persuaded.

[woofgang]

please please be aware that your hormones are having a huge effect on this. I am not sure why you say that a second child would be ablessing? Having said all that, the only people who can decide this are you and your partner equally. I wish you well whatever the outcome.

[jno]

you sure you aren't just hoping a baby would sort out the problems you seem to be having in your life? That's a lot to ask of any baby. All very well saying your partner would be a great dad, but why do you think you know better than he does?

If he doesn't make the decision for both of you, then you will be doing it; why is that any better?

Are you hoping someone will advise you to go ahead and get pregnant anyway because he'll really be delighted with the surprise? My advice would be the opposite. You have to sort things out between you first. If you cannot agree or compromise then someone is going to be unhappy.

[NOX]

Children in my opinion are generally blessings if thought about and planned, not sure why they wouldn'nt be woofgang, unless i'm missing something here?

Jenarry, if you feel this strongly about this then you and your partner need to sit down and talk it through. You then might be in a situation where he can be persuaded or alternatively he might not, that leaves you then with the decision of whether to continue the relationship or not. Either way saying nothing is not really an option, as although women have kids well into their 40's, time is certainly not on your side long term.

[woofgang]

I assumed that because the OP had been specific about her problems then the blessing comment had a specific meaning too. TBH The comment that "a second would make my life complete" sounds a bit thoughtless in her circs. I know we cant help our feelings but surely "to complete my life" is not a good reason to have another child, especially in such difficult circumstances...and yes I do fail to see where a second child would be a blessing in those circs....Just my opinion though.

[Le Chat]

I am always amazed when people want children when the garden isn't looking too rosy to begin with and I always wonder why you want your life to be even harder than it is taking into account that you have an older child with health issues, a reluctant partner who already has 2 children he doesn't see and won't be much in the way of help as his job is so physically demanding and you would be 41 at the youngest if you got pregnant now! Beats me! (from a mother of 2 sons, who was 40 at the birth of the second and found it really much more exhausting after a 7 year gap...and with a cushy life!)

[joko]

if you allow him to just make this decision then you will grow to resent him when the opportunity passes for good...

[Jenarry]

life is pretty complete as it stands so i probably didn't word that very well. i never imagined having an only child. there's so many factors to the whole thing. wanting to give my little boy a sibling,the joy of having a new baby.
but there are also factors against it such as having the demands of a young child again which lasts until they start school ,sleepless nights etc.
i think what is upsetting the most is that my bf has just decided for us and it feels that's it not up for discussion .
i first heard his thoughts on this when he was talking to an old mate on the phone who is just having his 1st baby..on asking my bf if he'll have anymore he replied...god no 'we' won't be doing all that! :O(

[jno]

you still need to talk this through. Would he be more unhappy with a child than you would be without one?

If you can't agree then the options are as Nox has mentioned.

[TheOtherHalf]

Im nearly 60 and still get very broody sometimes, wishing Id had another before it was too late. Only you two can make that decision. Good luck

[Jenarry]

I think that's partly the problem that i feel like it is now or never.
I would never go ahead without my partner wanting the same as me by the way. I ended up doing this before with my son's dad without realising ,where we agreed together to try for a baby but later i found out my partner was just saying yes to make me happy. i fell pregnant very quickly and my partner's face spoke volumes when i told him what should've been the good news. :O(
How lovely it must be to fall pregnant with someone who is as excited and happy about it as you.unfortunately it doesn't look like I will ever have this.