Can you excuse Domestic Violence if you've mistreated...
your partner by lies, and generally being selfish in your relationship? Your thoughts please........
FEELINLOST Mon 17/11/08 16:31
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Maybe a slap round the face, what are talking here?
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No. Violence is NEVER acceptable.
if one partner is lying, bigs serious lies not little fibs about having done the vacuuming or something then a relationship is struggling. If its worth saving then try, but if not then split, dont hang on and accept violence
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no still no excuse for it ever!
if it's that bad end the relationship don't start hitting them!
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you can never excuse domestic violence, if the relationship is that bad then splitting up would be the best option for everyone.
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NO!!
There is NEVER a excuse for domestic violence.
My advise get out as they never change.
I lived like that for nearly 20 years.
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You can't excuse it but it might be a mitigating factor if we're talking mental cruelty.
Telling lies and being selfing doesn't really sound much like mental cruelty to me though
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Er, no!
Anyone feeling the urge to hit out at their other half, for whatever reason, should 'try' to walk away.
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He is not right, you can only apologise so many times, everyone makes mistakes.
You should not be the butt of his insecurites or frustrations, make an exit plan.
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OK Feelinglost listen very carefully.
In many cases of domestic abuse the abuser makes the abused feel guilty for it themselves.
There's a good chance he cries and makes a big scene that he'll never do it again.
A/ It's not you fault
B/ He will continue to do this
Did you get B?
Read it again
Understand it.
Chances are he will be mentally abusing you too bullying you - telling you you're rubbish and couldn't make it on your own.
That's how he's tying you to him
And it's rubbish.
Go here
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
ring the number 0808 2000 247
Do it now!
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Feelinglost. I keeep going over your question and trying to work it out.
Are you the one who has lied to your partner and he has lashed out because of it or are you being lied to and you lashed out.
Either way violence won't solve it.
Either way prehaps it is time to call it a day.
If you are the one dishing out the violence then the partener is not worth the hastle if they are lieing to you. If its the other way round then may I suggest you still call it a day.
If you are like that then you shouldn't be in any relationship.
If you are talking about it from an outside point of veiw, then the same applies.
Who ever it is needs to get out of the relationship ASAP.
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No id say slap yourself as your judgements bad .
dth?
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Sure you can!
I mean what's a black eye between friends?
A broken rib heals in about six weeks.
Fracured facial muscles can be oh so carefully concealed with make up, all be it the pantomine kind.
Burns are just a sign of endearment and a permenant reminder of jsut how much you're loved.
Broken bones heal and only really give you jip in the cold.
Living on your nerves saves a bundle on coffee.
Can you see where I'm going with this? Of course it's not acceptable. You might be the biggest tit going but being used as a punch bag still strikes me as a touch on the over reactive side.
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Question Author
Thanks for your input all but what if the abuser say's your hurting him emotionally and he feels he's been abused himself for what you've done i.e. lies, acting selfish, doing things he doesn't like unintentially etc Then what, how do you comprimise?
How do you explain to someone what I have done to them is nothing compared to domestic violence?
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please read an take heed of the replys here, you need too get away from ths relationship, i know women who have forgiven, excused, blamed themselves for the abuse, its not your fault. If hes hit you once he wil do it again. Then again. Dont put up with it, get out
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Perpetrators do this to excuse their behaviors and take no responsibility for it. Look on the women's aid site.
I stayed in my marriage for so long as I thought it was my fault.
Respect yourself and aim high
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i replied before you. Pleas get out of the relationshp as its not healthy, hes exerting emotional blackmail again you. Its not a loving relationship if he hits you theirs no excuse, no ifs no buts, he needs help but you need it more. Phone womens aid now, they wil help.
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You ask: How do you compromise?
Well it's obviously gone too far for that, otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question.
You lie to him, hurt him, act selfish towards him - he hits you for doing so....and on it goes....
It's patently obvious you're not suited &/or meant to be together - so end the relationship.
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Just say ...
... "I have not behaved as I should. I forgive you for your violence towards me."
Then, when he's not looking ...
... tw@t him with a pan.
Le Creuset is probably best for something like that. Cast iron. Fairly effective.
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