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Don't know what to do.................

I have been on here before regarding my relationship with my partner. I have wanted to make it work as at the beginning of our relationship I lied to him about a lot of things & went back to my ex a few times & lied about that too. He eventually accepted it all and the relationship had carried on. It has been rocky as I feel he never got over what I did and has always reminded me of it. I have allowed him to threaten & hit me over some time but it has stopped, I suppose what I did to him will replace what he did to me.....I know it sounds mad.

Recently anything I do that upsets him, he will remind me again what I had done to him in the past. He will say that the things I'm doing which is (not relevant) to my past reminds him back to what I did.

If he wants to get intimate with me I may say no or feel not up to it and he'll get really upset & say I don't desire him or want him.
He really takes it personal & I don't know what to do to reassure him as I do want him & want this realtionship to work...........We have been together for 12yrs.
Please anyone help!!!!!!!!

FEELINLOST Fri 14/11/08 15:42

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terambulan
Fri 14/11/08
15:48

He's controlling you with black-mail from your past! This relationship is spent and time you accept it for your sake and those around you.

He will never shake the chip on his shoulder and his imagination of you with another man.

You've tried your best and that's not enough for him.....give up and separate.

barney1966
Fri 14/11/08
16:20

neither of you sound right for the other.

Your lies have made him paranoid. He hasn't accepted it and moved on. He has issues which he takes out on you.

I don't think either of you should waste any more time on this.

There is no happy outcome.

andy-hughes
Fri 14/11/08
16:23

The aspect of violence - and your implied acceptance of it - are seriously worrying.

You seem to regard his violence as justified in virew of your behaviour, and this has fueled his own domineering attitude.

I would advise professional counselling to see if this relationship can be saved - it's going nowhere as it is.

Book an appointment at Relate - if your partner refuses, that in itself is an indication of where your future lies.

QueenOfAmber
Fri 14/11/08
16:26

I agree with barney - this relationship won't work. :(
If he hits you and stuff, that's WRONG! You shouldn't take that cr*p even if you have been together for 12 years. No woman should take what you've endured and probably, because that's the only way he has power over you, you should rebel against him next time he does it if you want to give him another chance. I'm warning you though: DON'T TAKE THE SH!T! YOU'RE WORTH MORE!
By the way, cool name! :)
Hope this helps,
QueenOfAmber
x
I'M NOT GREEN ANYMORE!!!! YAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!

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