Friendship help.

[starry eyes]

Not sure if this is in the right section, but i need some friendship advise, its a bit of a long story!!! so here goes: Me, my best mate, (lets call her Em) and another friend (lets call her Shell) all moved in together about 5 months ago. Em got a new boyf and completely sh*t on all her mates for him. she even dumped me on xmas day, she promised to spend the day with me (as my family live abroad) and she dumped me to spend it with her bloke, ithout even telling me, or asking me if i could make other plans. Anyways, other than that, she is completely messy, never turns the lights off or locks doors and has changed so much that we have completely lost trust in her as a friend. She moved out 2 nights ago to move back with her parents. Im hoping to maintain a friendship with her, although i cant forgive her for the way she treated us all, and i dont even like her that much anymore, im prepard to be civil and stay friends. Now,....Shell is not so forgiving. she doesnt want anything to do with Em and refuses to come out with our group of friends if Em is there. Me, Shell and our mates and planned to go for a meal on valentines day, and Em asked if she could come. Shell says she wont go if E is there. I understand Shell completely, and i agree with her, but im not a mean person and i cant tell Em that she's ruined the friendships with us. Im stuck in the middle. What do i do?

[mickyilly]

Unfortunately you are stuck in the middle. I'm going through something similar at the mo (but not quite the same situ) and the two involved are civil to one another so that it isnt as awkward for me - stuck in the middle. Is there no way, you can ask them both to speak to each other? Are either of them aware that you feel this way? x

[starry eyes]

Shell knows exactly how i feel. and the thing is, is that 90% of me agrees with Shell, cos Em really has turned into a selfish little b!tch, but at the same time, i feel like now she has moved out, the pressure is off a bit, and we can still be mates. Dont think Em has any idea how we feel, she has no idea how angry we are at her for her stupid little games and for using us when her boyf is not around, and i am too much of a wuss to say something. plus i know that Em will go crying to her mum & boyf and me and Shell will look like the bad jealous friends, when that is so not the case. Em must know something is wrong, purely for the fact that she moved out (claiming shes skint) but she avoided us at home as much as she could, maybe cos she knew that me and Shell are angry at her. I just dont know.

[Skreecheeboy]

I think Shell and you should go and if Em goes and Shell wants to make a scene don't get involved. And stop talking about Em behind her back, you're just enouraging Shell and creating a clique, friends should be open, honest and emphatic and have fun! Either that or come out for dinner wiht me on Valentines day.....I have yet to make any plans.

[sarnieken]

Where is Em's fella on Valentine's day? Will she not be going somewhere with him?
I know someone going through the same situation where a lad has caused rift between her mate and their group. The temptation is to tell her where to go but you still want to be friends.
If you haven't spoken with E about the situation then I would do. Don't mention that Shell is p'd off and refusing to go out but just mention that he has changed and not in a good way. If she kicks off then its her fault and she has made her decision. At least you will have tried.

[starry eyes]

Thanks. Em's bloke lives 2 hours away so they only see eachother on the weekends, and as valentines day is on a weekday, funnily enough, she wants some to go out with. But i guarenetee you that if she made plands with us, she will happilly dump us to go see him. not just on valentines day, any time. She just uses us for when she cant see him and im sick of it. , i may have to have a word soon.....! Thanks

[lizzydrippin]

I think you and Shell are a teeny bit jealous that Em has a boyfriend who she obviously (and naturally) wants to be with whenever she can. And with pals like you and Shell bitching behind her back, who can blame her?

[starry eyes]

Jealous! believe me, that is not true! Thats what makes the situation so hard, cos people think were just jealous, and that couldnt be more wrong! Im happy that she has a bloke ect, but he is not the issue, she is, and the way she has treated us. and im not bitching behind her back, im asking for advise on what do do, which means i have to explain the situation first!