Boyfriend's best friend is his ex

[ILuvsChocolate]

So I've known my boyfriend for about four months now. We've been dating for two months, and officially in a relationship for 3 weeks.

He has been single for six years before now. But his last girlfriend is his current best friend. They had an 8 month relationship six years ago, but they are really, really close now. She is in a long-standing relationship at the moment

Am I wrong to feel jealous of her? I'm finding it really hard. I don't think I could consider a long term relationship with him because of her - this is because it will always nag me that they've been together...and are so close now. Not only that but she is wary of me...she barely knows me but is warning my bf to be careful incase I hurt him. I find this to be slightly controlling behaviour from her.

What do you think about all this? How would you feel? And what advice do you have? I'm just not sure I like their connection and their past...it bugs me a lot.

[China Doll]

Well maybe she's warning him because she can see how you feel towards her and think you would be controlling of his relationships, I can see how that could happen from your post. I don't think I'd be entirely comfortable at first but if she's in a long standing relationship and they've been friends a long time since their break up then they've already established their relationship, if something was to develop then it would have probably done so by now. It's about how much you trust your fella ultimately, can't say I'd be doing the hula over the situation in the early stages but neither would I be letting it govern my relationship with my boyfriend as I would see it as MY problem and not his. I'd be more likely to get to know her a bit myself, if my other half liked her then there's probably something there to like :c)

[EvianBaby]

If they wanted to be together they would be.

[ladybirder]

You've only been in the relationship for 3 weeks. If you keep on like this it'll be over next week.

[Kiki-frog]

Youch! That is really tricky. How would I feel? Insecure and jealous as hell about their shared past. That's just normal.

There's nothing you can do about their past connection. That's never going to change. Try to leave that behind or you'll just eat yourself up with pointless jealousy.

What I'm curious about is how you know that she's warned your man to be careful about you. Did that info come from him or from her? That could make a whole lot of differnece.

[Kiki-frog]

Or even difference. (Friday night wine fingers.)

[ILuvsChocolate]

The info came from him.

[ummmm]

Get used to it or end it.

[pastafreak]

My daughter is still in touch with an earlier,long-term BF. I know she keeps in touch with him via email and FB. She'll often pop in to see him when she's down for a visit,and I don't think her current BF of 3 years is bothered by it. TBH-I think it shows great maturity to have a friendship with a former lover. It shows an ability to forgive and go beyond the differences that may have caused them to split.
You can't change the past-which is what their relationship is part of. If you continue to fret over something your BF is quite honest about,you won't have a relationship.

[Kiki-frog]

OK, so why do you think he told you this? A bit of bragging about how his ex still cares for him? Or a way of warning you not to get too involved too soon? Or did he exaggerate as a way of telling you to hold back (three weeks is a very short time in a human life span)?

I don't know the answer to these questions, but they are worth asking yourself. So many times women demonise 'the other woman' because they can't face up to what's staring them in the face.

I know you feel jealous and insecure. I would as well. But play it cool. If you let this eat away at you, you will lose him for sure. And maybe he's not right for you in the long term. C'est la vie - you'll find another.

[woofgang]

If it bugs you then walk away....simples

[friedgreentomato]

If you continue acting in this manner you are going to come across as a bunny boiler!! His male best friend would also warn him that's what best friends do!

[NOX]

My ex and I have always had the closest of relationships and it has always been a totally non negotiable thing- new partners need to understand it or find someone else. My last girlfriend was a happy confident person who got it straight away, the one before that turned everything into a jealous scene and I'm afraid had to go, as there is nothing more unattractive that a spiteful, catty posessive person who feels they own you after a couple of weeks. Try to get your head around it because I have a feeling if you can't he might not be the man for you.

[joko]

i think its natural to feel a bit odd about it at first... it is an unusual situation... but that doesnt mean there is anything to be worried abiout... she may be warning him because she cares and also because she has misinterpreted your attitude towards her and now mistrusts you - gets a 'vibe' from you.

as others have said you will just have to get used to it - if you start trying to edge them apart i suspect you will lose as ven if he is head over heels with you now, if he feels you are trying to spearate them those feeling may quickly die...it is not an attarctive trait in a person so show jealousy and conniving - no matter how people may understand your feelings

[boxtops]

It's six years ago, for goodness' sake, and it sounds very mature - not everyone splits up in blazing rows. I'd be glad he's got a good friend who's a woman. Perhaps you are coming across as too possessive, she'd spot that.

Btw I don't understand this "dating for two months and now officially in a relationship" thing - as far as I'm concerned, as soon as you start seeing someone, one on one, you're in a relationship. When/how does it become "official"?