How to change things for the better?

[notsodizzyblonde]

My husband and I have been together for 15 years but have gone through some hard times in the past year or so for one reason or another. We want to stay together as we think we can make a proper go of it still. We both know things need to change (I think there was too much "normality" and we both took each other for granted in the end) and so we want to make things different so we don't go down the same path again. Now I know you can't change everything but what kind of things could we do to get back on track?

I know Relate is an option for help in this situation but can't really afford it week in, week out.

Any (helpful!) suggestions please?

[Old_Geezer]

I suspect it depends on the present relationship. I think you have made a good start acknowledging that lack of attention has caused problems in the past. Getting involved in each other's lives more on a day to day basis, should help.

[notsodizzyblonde]

I said that actually. It wasn't as if we weren't together lots, we just didn't communicate that much lately, other things got on top of him and annoyed me which didn't help! I've said everyone has things that happen every day and that's just life! I think I just want to try anything possible to make it better. All the old feelings are still there so not all is lost. We've both said the things we don't like about each other, or should I say what annoys us or gets to us and that seemed to go well. I think he thought relationships didn't need to be worked at (me too probably) but after a certain amount of years I suppose you need to make an effort still.

[LDC134]

My husband and I always have a 'date night' on a Friday night - but we stay home ! We have a few drinks, dress up slightly more than usual (so he will put a shirt on with jeans, even if he doesn't iron it !) but the main thing is, we sit in the dining room - never put the tv on, just listen to music and chat. We chat about news stuff (nothing heavy, just our opinions on things) or funny things that have happened or we have seen during the week, and we talk about all the things we really like / love about each other and reminisce about holidays etc.
The point is, everything is positive - not in an American ott way, just really nice things said like you would when you were dating. It makes you feel much better about yourself and your marriage.
Good luck and well done to you both for making the effort to put everything back on track.

[notsodizzyblonde]

We always used to talk like that in the pubs and have a good laugh. It seemed to dry up when we were at home though. That sounds like a good idea though LDC.

I think because he got depressed by life in general (seemed to be stuck in a rut and couldn't do things without money and everything was the same day in and day out), I'm a bit more worried about how he might be. Although the fact that he wants to give it a go is obviously a positive sign! I've always said to think of the positive things in life, however small they are - but he sometimes finds that hard. And when he gets down, it brings me down too (even though I try not to let it).

[puddle-duck]

If you can't afford Relate, how about seeing if your library has any relationship advice books, they may give you some tips on making those changes.

Once a week have a meal together, get the kids fed & away to bed then the 2 of you enjoy a meal, share a bottle of wine. Little things like lighting a candle help create an intimate setting.

Go for walks together, every now & again send him a text telling him how much he means to you. Lots of little things you can both do to show you care.

If you're looking for ideas to spice up the physical side of your relationship then try looking at an adult game on Amazon called monogamy it's got a lot of good reviews.

Good luck hope it goes well for you both.

http://www.marriage-s...iage-saving-tips.html