Now I am going to be very frank in this question,so those of you who are easily shocked should not read further.
My Wife and I have been married for 30 years (we are both in our early 50's) but we have not had sex (of any sort) for 12 years.
We both have never been what you might call "sexual" people,and are quite content with the present situation;I know this to be true as we have discussed the subject.We are not wanting to go out with/have sex with other people.We are still deeply in love.
We have no children,and never really wanted any,only each other.Sorry to state this so bluntly,but we both still masturbate (well I do), so we do have some sexual feelings.
We still share the marital bed,and cuddle before we sleep.it's just that sex doesn't come into the situation.
As we are so content as we are,is it worth trying to re~start our sex lives,or should we let the situation stay as it is?
I am frightened of wrecking our marriage(as it is) if sex would actually interfere in our marriage.
Sounds strange doesn't it!
Mr Veritas Sun 30/11/08 16:00
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Much more common than you think.
Show your post to your wife so she can give her frank views on it,
If you are both happy in your celibate but loving marriage, there is no need to change things,
If one of you is not content with the situation, then the opportunity is there to alter things,
Keep a sense of humour and keep it in perspective and you'll both be fine.
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hi veritas so glad that men of a certain age are being honest,has your lady gone through the menopause perhaps?but saying that you say 12 years umm long time,you must be a patient fella,think you should have been a bit more honest about ure needs,you say that you have discussed this issue,but she maybe she thinks that you are happy with things as they are!!!
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to be honest, you sound like you'd be interested in re-kindling things... why not discuss this with your wife?
I wish you luck :o)
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I don't think it sounds strange at all, provided that you are both happy with how the situation is then sounds like you are a very compatible couple and that's a lovely thing :)
As Ethel says, I think it is a lot more common that you think.
I think it's a shame that varying sex drives can ruin some relationships.
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If you're both happy to continue as you are, I'm confused why you're even worried about it?
Is it because you feel you should be having sex?
Honestly, if both of you are honest with each other and are happy to have a life together without sex, then carry on, don't let what you believe convention tells you to (that you should be at it like rabbits- constantly, or you aren't normal), spoil what appears to be a loving relationship.
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Im kinda with boo on this, if you are both happy as you are then stay as you are, your relationship is no one else's business but your own.
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this happened to me we were quite happy or so i thought no sex but close until i met a much younger man at a party who "knocked my socks off" ,I told my hubby immediately as i cant lie and here we are 6 years later living in the same house but going our separate ways I only regret hurting my husband of 40 years but i don't regret the raw passion or the lovely feeling of elation when i saw my lover .we still live in the same house and are really civil to one another and in fact if either if us met a new partner we would sell up and start again ad the house is paid for .its really convienient to live rent free and be able to do what i like .although my hubby is ****** off (although its ok now)I believe that he has made a new life with more friends than hes ever had before and i still respect and live him but in a sort of sister brother way
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I think sex is very overated. Everything we read, see on TV seems to revolve around people wanting or having sex. The reality is probably quite different.
I'm 39 and have been with my partner for almost 2 years, we are expecting our first child together. Whilst he is very sexual and up for it all the time, it really doesn't interest me that much and on the odd ocassion when we do it, it's usually because he wants to. I do enjoy it when we do, do it, but it's not really a priority. Since I discovered I was pregnant 8 weeks ago, we have had sex once and I really have no desire to do it again.
If you and your wife are happy with your sexless relationship and are happy in every other way, then why feel pressured to start up your sex life again. Again because we are led to believe everyone out there are like rabbits, if we aren't at it 24/7, then a feeling of being abnormal can occur.
Just be happy with your loving relationship and good luck for your futures together.
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Sounds a perfectly normal relationship to me and if you are both happy, then that is fine. If you masturbate seperately or together, then that is also quite normal.
However this topic of discussing sex with your wife sounds common sense, but in my limited experience, talking to my mates, women who are not interested in sex are also not interested in discussing it. SO, if one of the pair IS interested ( usually but not always the man) then what does the remaining partner do for his or her sex?
It would seem that you are both satisfied with your situation, so you have no problem and do not look into your sex life further.
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Sounds to me like you are both more than content with the situation so i can't see a problem. You are both still in love with one another so as far as im concerned, you don't have a problem.
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Sounds ok to me. If you are both happy with the situation, and you do seem content, why change things? If a cuddle does lead to more great, but if you are both happy with a cuddle - also great. Good luck to you both.
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Mr V.....i agree with the above points that if you are both happy in your relationship, why rock the boat?
Have that chat with your wife.....discussion is the best way to sort out a problem, whatever it may be.
What does "interest" me is Velvetee's partner - does he know how uninterested you are in sex, and that he will probably go the rest of your relationship in a constant unknowing if/when he will ever get sex again?
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MrBounty...all good points that you make, particularly if Velv is not that keen on sex, but partner is. Velvetee will soon be replete with her baby, but will partner be satisfied?
Discussing sexual discord is a waste of time....statement based on experience and widespread discussions.
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Mr Veritas, just wanted to offer my support and say that my wife and I are in a similar situation.
I'm 35 and she is 39, we have had sex once in the last 5 years. We are both very loving but neither of us are that interested in sex. Like you we don't have children and won't be having them either.
Personally I couldn't give a monkeys if people think it's abnormal (not suggesting it is), far better to be in love and have a very deep connection than argue and fight all the time with the odd bit of sex thrown in.
Personally my wife and I have never really discussed it but we know each other in such a way that if there was anything to be said it would have been.
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Just noticed this thread Mr V & lots of good sound answers.
The way I would look at it - if God forbid, anything happened to my husband's virility & we could no longer do the deed, I wouldn't up sticks & leave him!
I married him for better, for worse, & if that meant no longer being able to do what comes naturally (pardon the pun), then so be it. There other ways of making each other feel wanted & loved, etc.
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be a man and show her a good time ;)
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After reading the question title I wanted to reply wittyly with either;
Yes but Grandma you are 96 after all
or
Yes but you are only 14
But after reading some many sensible and good answers I dont think I'll bother now, lol
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if it were me ill go and shag some pros....
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