Confidence knocked

[Hedkandi]

Hi there,

Basically I went to a party yesterday of a friend of mine. I found out a bloke I like, C, likes me but doesn't supposedly want a relationship with me "at the moment". C has never had a girlfriend and is very shy. I felt a bit down about this but we agreed to be friends, hugged and held hands for a bit.
Later on that night, and after a few more drinks, I asked another guy, X, to dance. he then told me to "go away, you fat ####". At first I thought he hadn't understood what i'd said (he's from holland and thought he didn't speak much english) but he then turned his back on me, so then I knew he'd understood me and obviously said what he'd said. I was mortified. I couldn't believe it. I wasn't rude or agressive in my manner to him at all. Ok, I was a bit drunk, but certainly didn't act in a way that would provoke any kind of reaction like that. My friends were so angry that X spoke to me like that, esp as I don't know X at all, and had met him that night only through another friend. He seemed really nice during that night up until that point.
I was really devastated. I feel like an unattractive woman, who's had the stuffing knocked out of me. I am a polite person with morals and manners and cannot believe this. I've been very weepy today and just wanted to come here for some support and advice.
Thanks for listening/reading and any support will be gratefully received.
Many thanks XXX

[lilmiss]

maybe you arent the guys type.  he probly just didnt find you attractive.  dont worry bout it so much.

[justineo]

Hi Hedkandi,sorry you're feeling down.

The fact that you had already experienced one refusal earlier at the party meant you were already feeling vulnerable.  This made you unable to see that X's reaction came from him and his past.  It is of no importance to you at all. It comes from the culmination of all his experiences and his memories.  You do not need to question your morals or manners.  You acted appropriately at a party.  Just observe his inabiltiy to socialise and find some more interesting friends who will appreciate your direct approach. 

[iamnice50]

Hey luv, hope u feel better

[Morrisonker]

*hugs* People can be very cruel but please don't let either of these men affect how you see yourself.  If X is the kind of guy to use that word (if it's what I think it is) to a woman then he deserves only your pity, he certainly not your tears.  As for C, I know guys like this, and the fact that you decided to stay friends is good.  Don't write him off yet, you never know what the future holds.  Most of all don't beat yourself up about it, nothing either of them said was because of you.  Don't blame yourself because there is always a personal reason on their part.

[oxeyedaisy]

x is just a man with attitude he thinks he is mr big..take no notice he probably has issues and you really dont want to go their..if you like c then stay friends with him  and see where that leads you..perhaps you are  a different personality to c and he is holding back as he is unsure of himself..some men are like that..just be friendly..dont beat yourself up over x he is not worth it at all........ 

[FP]

Hey cheer up.  It's Mr X's problem, not yours.  What someone like that says is not even worth considering.  He obviously has some problems with communicating!!

You sound like a lovely person so try and forget what has happened.  Parties often are not the best place to meet new partners - very artificial environment!

Best wishes x

[Scarlett]

Good God- what on earth is Mr. X's problem??!!! I think it is simply that he cannot handle his beer!! I would have to take some kind of revenge on him, even if it was just telling the person who introduced you both what he said. I think he should be made to account for his actions. That aside, I think it is best forgotten! He clearly is an oaf, and an insane one at that. I do sympathise because I remember once a cyclist riding through the centre of town telling me to "Get out of the way, Fat girl" in FRONT of my boyfriend at the time, who did nothing. I was also sat in a club last week and a real prat was throwing bits of paper at my head! the ONLY reason I can think of is that I don't conform to the normal "gal" you would get in a club, and he simply couldn't handle it. I ALSO remember showing my friend a new club as we walked past it, and on entering a bloke sitting with a bunch of his mates said "Look out- wide load coming through!"- about me and my friend.

Thing is, I have lots of TRULY lovely friends, some male, who would not dream of insulting me in this way. I just think that some men are truly foul, especially when under the influence of alcohol. It is totally THEIR problem, not yours. You DO sound like a really lovely person- just don't waste any time on men unless they are worthy of you!!

[helster]

This is definitely X's problem. He'd probably had a bad day or someone had done something similar to him. None of this is an excuse but it can't have been personal cos he doesn't even know you. He sounds like a pathetic baby. Don't afford him any more of your time. You know you are so much better than some loser who hasn't even been brought up with good manners. Hx

[toecrusher]

sounds like x has a major attitude problem to me, iwonder how many friends he has if this is the way he speaks to people, especially ladies! Dont let it get to you, you sound like a genuine and sincere person, while he,s just a creep. luv me

[lanpingpug]

Hedkandi, it must have hurt a lot when that bloke said that to you and I sympathise as I've been in your position.

I've spoken to my husband and male friends about men calling women fat (as I'm no supermodel and have been called it a number of times) and they have all said that sometimes men just use "fat" as an insult for women no matter what their size because they know that it hurts. Women are accutely aware of their body shape and weight so men tend to hit them where it hurts. This goes for large women and for skinny girls.

I guess its kind of like you calling the size of a guy's manhood into question just because you want to hit a nerve with ANY man and most of them are at least a bit paranoid about this.

I hope this helps.