Good Joke?

[Scullywoo]

Go on, tell me one??!

[Scullywoo]

Excellent jokes everyone!!!

God says to Adam, "I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?"
Adam says, "Tell me the good news first."
God says, "I'm going to give you a penis and a brain. You'll derive from these great pleasure and great intellect."
Adam replies, "Wonderful! But what's the bad news?"
God says, "I'm only going to give you enough blood supply to work one at a time."

[Scullywoo]

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"
"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"
"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."
"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."
"It's a big rooster," she said.
The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

[MargeB]

My two fav comics (I love em, most people hate em!):

http://www.amusingquotes.com/h/h/Harry_Hill_1.htm

http://www.cco.net/~jpete/deepthou.htm

[majove]

what do you do if a bird craps on your head

call off the wedding

[Scullywoo]

What do you do if you've got an Islamic Dog?

Mussle-him!!

I thank you!

[cat woman]

2 tourist driving throu Wales. At Llanhyfryddawellilihynafolybaarcudprindanfygythiadtrienusyrhafnauole, thet stopped for lunch & one tourist asked the waitress, "before we order , could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are.... very slowly? The blonde waitress leaned over & said..... Burr- gurr- king!!!!.......

[lizzierose]

man jumps into a taxi and says king arthurs close. taxi driver says. don't worry we'll lose him at the next lights

(courtesey tommy cooper)

[Dom Tuk]

Victoria and David Beckham feel sorry for Michael Jackson and invite him over for a holiday on their yacht in the Bahamas. An overjoyed Michael Jackson sends a reply ' Many thanks for your invitation. I will be more than happy to come on your cruise'

[beamer]

Ben Affleck: Doctor Doctor, you've got to help me out. Every time I walk past a mirror I find myself getting aroused.

Doctor: I'm not surprised. You're a c*nt.

[cat woman]

What does Michael Jackson have after his evening meal?

 

"Under Eights"!

[Kos]

An Irishman broke in to Ladbrokes late last night and lost �40 !!

[AndrewHunt]

I still don't understand the French Navy joke?

2 Cannibals eating a clown.  One says "Does this taste funny to you?"

2 Fish in a tank.  Ones says "How do you drive this thing then?"

[Lesisblue]

Michael Jackson had to sack his chinese lawyer before his court case.   Mr. Po Kem Young was very upset by the decision.

[Golem]

MargeB, may I?

The pronounciation of "A l'eau, c'est l'heure" is punning on the expression, "'ello, sailor"

[jaggers]

Every night, little Jimmy says his prayers before going to sleep.

"God bless Mummy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Uncle."

Jimmy's mother is shocked to hear this, and as a result, the next day she learns that Jimmy's uncle has had a heart attack and died.

The following night, Jimmy says his prayers again.

"God bless Mummy, God bless Daddy, and goodbye Granddad."

Sure enough, the next day, poor Jimmy's grandfather dies in a car crash.

That night...

"God bless Mummy, and goodbye Daddy."

Everyone is appalled and the next day Jimmy's father come shome from work in one piece...

"How was your day honey?" asks his wife.

"Terrible, I've been taking so much care with everything - when I cross a road, when I handle staplers, when I pour hot water...it's been hell trying to avoid dying! How about your day dear?"

"Awful! I opened the door to let the milkman in and he just dropped down dead!" 

[neill]

Two sausages in a frying pan: One says,"it`s bloody hot in here"! Second replies,"f**k me,a talking sausage".

[neill]

Two eggs having a chat: First one says,"alright? i hear you got laid last night".

[neill]

An Irishman walks into a shop. "I bought this tie here yesterday." "I want my money back,it`s too bloody tight".

[Trillipse]

i guess you've heard of the dyslexic insomniac agnostic?

 

he sat up all night wondering if there was a dog.

[jno]

and the dyslexic who choked to death on his own Vimto, but I'm sure I posted that somewhere recently.