Drink problem....???

I'm worried my partner may have one. I've been with him 7 yrs and he always seems to want one almost every night. At first, I thought it was a social thing and joined him. But if I ever suggested not having one I could sense the disappointment. Anyhow, back then we had horrendous money probs, he was barely working but I couldn't understand how he could literally spend the last on booze. Over the last few years we've managed to drag ourself out of the financial mess we were in, he has a well paid job, but still he won't stop the drinking.

He doesn't drink every night - but at best he may only have one or two nights a week where he doesn't. Since the last year he seems to have got into it even more than ever - using the fact that he gave up smoking almost a year ago as an excuse (he'd heard of lots of people who drank more in the following months of giving up, to hit that 'high'). Our finances are starting to suffer as well as our relationship. We've had many problems over the years, when he's been drunk and hit the self destruct button, doing ridiculous things, saying horrible things & just causing wild arguments out of thin air. I've warned him time and again, his kids are getting older and getting sick of it.

Last week I pulled him on it again, and said it had to stop as we couldnt afford it, he always agrees with me at the time. However, at the weekend (when I also have a drink) he stocked up on loads, IMO to last him through the week which peed me off as he would normally just shop nightly for it so I've been a bit off with him this week. Anyway, it came to a bit of a head last night, he caused a big drama over a little argument so stormed off for 8 cans (already having 2 in) and half bottle vodka & coke. He tried to hide the vodka, and just sat drinking cans until I went to bed. When I got up this morn, he'd drank most of the vodka, some cider and 4 cans of lager he'd bought, once again hiding the vodka remains - thinking I hadn't spotted it last night.

He only drinks at night, he doesn't get hammered all of the time - but he would if he could. I don't think he's an alcoholic as such, but surely if someone drinks most of the time, it's a prob??
12:24 Thu 22nd Mar 2012
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Don't kid yourself, he IS an alcoholic. Get him help fast.
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2Short: yes, sounds similar to your Dad, he will use any excuse to drink - be it a celebration, bad news or just an all round bad day. But in the same, he can ruin a perfectly good day/night by having one of his kick offs at the end. It's almost like he hates me, when this happens - he will say things that deliberately hurt about abs anything - no morals at all.

Ronni: He doesn't appear to get the shakes etc. He wakes up perfectly fine (unless of course he's caused trouble the night before). He is also a diabetic, I've seen him sliding off the sofa - prob having some sort of hypo. when he's drinking - his eyes take on this horrible glazed look (his daughter said it makes him look evil), and you know this is time for your exit. He starts babbling abs drivel to anyone who'll listen (usually me) and if I don't or dare I disagree, he just goes crazy.
Ask GP for antabuse. While/if he is cold turkey provide him lots of fruit juices.

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Oh Meg, your story sounds so familiar and my heart goes out to you. My late husband was exactly like this and in the end it was this that killed him in February of last year.

He Will be suffering every morning but he must be a good actor. My children and I couldn't get through to him about the damage he was doing to himself and the awful things he used to say to me and my daughter were terrible. We knew that it was the drink talking and that it was a Jekyll and Hyde situation. He estranged my daughter, but towards the end, they got it back together.

What a waste of a life, dying at 60 years old, by the poison that is alcohol.

I'm afraid it sounds like he won't listen to you.
Question Author
He's a type 2 diabetic. A while ago he was drinking nearly a 70cl Vodka with diet coke almost every night. But because I've been complaining so much about the cost, he's drinking between 4-8 cans a night - this week he hasn't had one drink free night, last week his best was 3 cans in a night. He's 42, we're not married and have no children together, I have a 14yr old who lives with us. His 2 kids come stay once a fornight at weekend so all they see is him drinking every night they stay with us. He was having serious meltdown prior to Xmas, so much he jumped in his car drunk and drove (so he claimed) just around the corner to calm down. His daughter was hysterical, I didn;t know what to do for the best - whether to phone the police or not, in the end I didnt and he came back shortly after. The next day he was full of shame & sorry, but it didn't last - thankfully he's not drove since, but he's had plenty meltdowns. A few weeks ago, I told him I'd leave if he didn't sort himself out and he promised faithfully to. he's not as argumentative when drinking, but I know he can turn at any time.
I am a 'recovering alcoholic' and recognise the symptoms. He's an alcoholic but still in quite an early stage. It is a mistake to think that we 're always drunk, get drunk regularly, or cannot go without drink for a while. In fact, the amazing thing is how we live without other people suspecting that we are dependent on alcohol.The facts that he gets angry if you mention his drinking, that he hides drink, that his reaction is to 'storm off' and respond by immediately fetching drink, and stays up to drink until the supply is exhausted all point clearly to his alcoholism. I bet he says things like "Anyone would drink if they were living with you!"
Sorry to say this, but he will get steadily worse unless and until he himself decides he needs help. You have to prepare yourself for this.He won't be listening to you. You must look after yourself first. Al-anon can help you in dealing with him and in living your own life. Alcoholics Anonymous can help him.
My husband also never started drinking before 9pm at night, he used to sit up until maybe 3 or 4am and in that time he would sink a litre bottle of whisky. He often got quite abusive after a few drinks, I would go to bed before he got to this stage. In October 2010 I got up and found him collapsed, he ended up spending a week in hospital unable to feel anything in his right leg, and all this was due to a vitamin b deficiency brought on mainly through drinking (according to the doctors). He has not had a drink since that day and is now a much nicer person to live with. Just because he is not drinking through the day it doesn't mean that he is not an alcoholic or alcohol dependent as the pc brigade call it these days. Good luck, I truly hope things change for you.
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Thank you all so much for your replies. It is easy to not think of him having a drink problem, as it's a progressive situ, and before you know it's sliding out of control, judging from the replies here - he definitiely has, or is very much on the road to alcoholism.

I had it out with him again last night, and he's promised faithfully (again) to sort it out, he did make a start last night, so we'll have to see how it goes.

Scorpio: thanks for your input & sincere good luck to you - I hope you have the support you need to help you through x
im not an expert, but id say your OH is an alcoholic, and i applaud the posters who have been so honest in giving their advice/personal history. good luck.
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Ronni21, sorry if you took my comment the wrong way, but when my husband saw the doctors they refused to use the word alcoholic, said that is not used anymore not being politically correct, it is now alcohol dependent.

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